For years it has puzzled mankinds great anthropologists on how man as we know it evolved out of the disparished and primitive hunter gatherer societies of yore, to our modern civilized society, where ones breeding parteners are severly limited by bloodline and species. The opposite ends of the spectrum are evident, but in the midst there seems to be a missing link. But a discovery has been made of what we believe to be themissing link. We present to you the Devries family. They appear at first to be an average modern family, but upon furthur inspection we discover some startlign truths. Note that they posses the attire of a more modernised society but lack the mentality of one.
Exhibit A: While dining at an eating establishment the second youngest devries starteld and embarrased us with his cries of astoundment upon seeing what he refered to as a "negro"
Exhibit B: Their savage ruthlessness and lack of compassion is evident in their extermination of long loved house hold pets after they grow bored of them.
Exhibit C: The core of their primitive society, bestiality, is evident in our one Devries specimines proffessed sexual attraction to species fo the primate family.
Exhibit D: While foragin for food they can detect a pig roast from 20 miles. and they appear to be instinctively bornwith the ability to roast a pig.
Exhibit E: They also possess the instinctive skill to gain entry to any tractor like machinery they encounter.
They sill maintian a certain modernized outward appearance, posessing vats of hair gel, and tranformer cars that start at the press of a button.
It is quite evident that the lack of modernization sets them behind the rest of us.These farmer-human hybrids may blend into society but under closer examination their roots become quite apparent.
Special thanks to the editor, KT.
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The Creation of The Great White Alligator
There once was a small collection of highschool students who spent their unassigned periods playing asshole and doing donuts in the laurier hill parking lot. Over the years of their tomfoolery they documented many a humorous story and anecdote, many of which were not entertaining in the least to anyone who did not experience them first hand. Time passed, fruit dropped, flesh sagged, and soon those highschool students were university students. Their academic endevours were varied. Between them they would gain knowledge of the modern and ancient history of the Who people, how to manufacture and program harbingers of death, the fine art of fake engineering, and... whatever Ryan's taking.... pharmaceuticals or something. Sorry Ryan. Distanced too were the locations of their institutions of education. Their lines of communication were not guaranteed to stay intact. It was decided that the memories were to be preserved in the salty brine of the internet. What was created was a documentation of the events that surpassed within the time that was spent together by these fine young men. The piece was named after one of the most illogical and nonsensical conversations that was ever engaged by the group. And thus was born, Great White Alligator.
Ben, you need to publish these incredible findings! it would be a best seller for sure
ReplyDeleteoh i beg to differ
ReplyDelete